I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
