hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
