if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
