this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
