ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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