I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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