I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
