we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm going to jail i love you
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you guys were way drunker than both of me
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
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