i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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