My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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