I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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