my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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