the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
