That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
