eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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