Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
