His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
