two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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