i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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