uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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