Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
