hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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