Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
