we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
