was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
