i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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