Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
