I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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