It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
