I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
