U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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