Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
