I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
