Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
