dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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