Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
