I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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