i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
