we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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