You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
sex in a hospital.. check
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
tell me about the fingering
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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