in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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