He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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