he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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