You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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