Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
