i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
