You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My bed smells like the plague
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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