I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
BRING THE BAGELS
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
