I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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