I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
