so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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