Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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