Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
That reminds me...we need to get swords
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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