i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
