If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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