Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
And then the night went full on bisexual.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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